Comments on GEM 1/1 TDR, v03-02, R. Breedon

---

All through the document, choose one way to write "superchambers" and stick to it (and replace many of them with SC after it is defined)

Abstract, 7th line: "muon muon"

The 3rd sentence of the Abstract is poorly written; it is also a run-on sentence.

The last line of the Abstract still needs to be fixed as I pointed out in my earlier comments.

70, 1918: oder -> order

245, 256, 658: There are still missing reference citations flagged by "[?]"

I see that few of my earlier comments about chapter 2 have been implemented. Please at least take care of the following:

488: Tab. 2.1 -> Table 2.1

289, 290: "performance" is not plural

290: Ch. 1 -> chapter 1

Please put table captions at the top of the table

1106-8: It is still the case that not all the variables are defined in the formula. Please see my earlier comments.

1180: Ch.7 -> chapter 7

There are still things screwed up with the first 2 figures of chapter 3, and again, few if any of my earlier comments have been implemented. I am not going to repeat myself anymore.

I still do not understand the headings in Table 4.4

1621: data is -> data are

The new section 5.3.4 needs to be proofread and there is a missing figure reference (line 1829)

1855: "superchamber" has a typo, and it is written at least 3 different ways in sections 5.4 and 5.4.1. Once the acronym SC is defined, it should usually be used instead.

1876: data base -> database

Chapter 6

---

Capitalize only the first word and proper nouns in all headings

1894, 1909, etc.: Units should not be in italics

1983: Table [?]

Caption of Table 6.1: [39--41]; remove spurious comma after "the"

2036, entries in Table 6.2: Use proper mathematical symbol x for indicating exponents, not a center dot

Caption of Table 6.2: "OLD NUMBERS..."

2061: "(to be added)"

Figs. 6.4, 6.5, 6.6, 6.13 contain "Preliminary"

2154: Fig -> Fig.

2217: data is -> data are

2265: Ref. [?]

2291: 2 -- 3 -> 2--3

Chapter 7

---

Capitalize only the first word and proper nouns in all headings

Sections 7.2.2, 7.2.3, 7.4.2, 7.4.3, 7.8, 7.9 are empty. Is text being prepared?

2530: [45],[1] -> [1, 45]

2570, 2572: Figure 7.6/A -> Fig. 7.6A, or even better, change A) and B) in the figure to a) and b)

2676-7, 2729: Are the additional details available?

2738: There is already an earlier section titled "Database"

Chapter 8

---

Capitalize only the first word and proper nouns in all headings

Remove Table 8.1

Chapter 9

---

Capitalize only the first word and proper nouns in all headings

30027-8: Remove "a total of"

3137: sect. -> section

3342: fig. -> Fig.

Chapter 10

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This section reads more like a summary instead of a "schedule"

3350: RD -> R & D

3352: LaTeX error regarding the eta range

3364: Replace redundant "has been demonstrated" with something like "is achievable"

Appendices

---

Capitalize only the first word and proper nouns in all headings

A.4 is empty

Is any text planned for Appendix C? It at least needs an introduction.

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Comments on GEM 1/1 TDR, v03-00, R. Breedon

---

Presently the document mixes British and American English and usage. By its preponderance, I assume American English is preferred.

The document mixes styles of rendering units (e.g., "cm^(-2) s^(-1)" and "MHz/cm^2"). I recommend that the former style be followed in nearly all cases (e.g., change to "MHz cm^(-2)").

Small numbers 10 and below are irregularly either spelled out or rendered as numerals. I think virtually all numbers should be written as numerals in a scientific document, but many prefer spelling out lower valued numbers below some arbitrary value. Please be consistent.

The Chicago Manual of Style recommends not capitalizing references to other parts of a document and the names should be spelled out in full (e.g., chapter 1, appendix B, section 2.1).

Abstract

---

In the 4th line, what does "double the design value" refer to? Do you mean both the luminosity and pileup will both be twice what was assumed when the CMS experiment was designed? Please clarify.

where the number of muon hits is actually least -> where there are the fewest muon hits

"testing, and integration"; Insert comma in "cost, and organization".

Introduction

---

There are mixed capitalization styles in the section titles. CMS documents usually follow the style in which only the first letter and proper nouns are capitalized; e.g., in line 151, only "Motivation" should be capitalized.

153-156: All such words from "level 1" through "resistive plate chambers" should not be capitalized.

159: missing reference number

161: define "HL-LHC"

167-169: You might include the planned dates for LS2 and LS3

169: track trigger (no caps)

170: Missing (

170: Fig. 1.2 is cited before Fig. 1.1. Please swap the positions of Figs. 1.2 and 1.1.

171: "in Chapter 4 of the TP"

172: Please put the eta range in parentheses; Remove "in order"

175: Insert comma before "respectively"

187, 218: Remove the spaces before and after the en-dashes, e.g., "2.4--3.5" in LaTeX

191: H2Tau is jargon and should be rewritten in an understandable way

192: Figures should be moved so Fig. 1.1 becomes Fig. 1.2

Present Fig. 1.1: 4*10^34 -> 4 x 10^34 (using proper mathematical symbol for "x") Heading of plot includes "Preliminary"; is that OK in a TDR?

206: Gas electron multipliers (should not be in caps) are not a technology. Instead you should write something like the chosen technology is gas electron multiplication.

207: Kapton is a registered trademark, so the first time you use it, you should put \circledR after it. After that, just capitalize it.

209: Remove "in order"

210: provide -> provides

233: is -> are

233-234: You have not yet defined GBT and muTCA so spell them out without the acronyms since you define the acronyms later

237: Do not capitalize trigger mother board

242, 250: en-dash should be --

248: Insert comma before "and"

252: Remove ", etc" since you already write "such as".

253: Do not capitalize "project"

256: is -> are

Chapter 2

---

There are mixed capitalization styles in the section titles. CMS documents usually follow the style in which only the first letter and proper nouns are capitalized; e.g., in the chapter title, "chambers" should not be capitalized, and so on for all section titles.

267: Gas Electron Multiplier -> gas electron multiplier (GEM)

268: by DUPONT Co. or Apical by KANEKA -> by DuPont or Apical by Kaneka

275: If you mean "approximately 80", use \approx instead of \sim in LaTeX, and remove the space

280: is given in Fig.2.2 -> is shown in Fig. 2.2

283: detector are: -> detector are as follows:

285: A standard -> The standard

287, 316, 337, 338, 369, 380, 391, 395, 402, 411, 423, 438, 441, 446, 448,458, 469, 487, 501, 528, 570, 572, 684, 895: Insert a space before the reference citation number

288: data taking period -> data-taking period; 2010-2012 -> 2010--2012

289, 290: performances -> performance

290: Ch. 1 -> chapter 1

292-298: Remove the periods at the ends of the phrases

Caption of Fig. 2.1: Spell out SEM; insert space before [2]

Caption of Fig. 2.2: definition -> definitions; insert space before [2]

299: Replace the colon with a period.

301: "for HL-LHC running at a collision energy of 14 TeV and luminosity of..."; Add space between cm^-2 and s^-1

308: Replace the dot representing multiplication with the same symbol used in line 301

310: What is the meaning of the circumflex over the phi symbol?

316, 318, 388, 421, 423, 437, 511(twice), 707, 708: A range is represented by an en-dash, -- in LaTeX (no space before and after)

316, 458: [?]

317, 328, 514, caption of Fig. 2.16, 575, 846, 869, 906, 932, 943: Insert comma after i.e. and e.g. in the American English fashion

341: Should the explanation of the Lorentz angle be moved to here where it is first mentioned?

346: on the average -> on average

350: differently and so -> different, so

Caption of Fig. 2.3: 3T -> 3 T; insert space before [6]; "as given in the GE1/1" makes no sense. I suggest something like "as will be present in GE1/1".

368: which -> that

Captions of Figs. 2.4 and 2.5: 3T -> 3 T

372: Insert commas after "velocity" and "electrons"

377: replace "i.e." with "namely,"

382: Detectors -> The detectors

383, 420, 574, 728, 846: numbers with 4 digits are not written with a comma (e.g., 8000)

388: Insert comma after "period"

389: Insert comma after "drop"

390: Insert comma after "x-rays"

396: Insert "the" before "drift"

420: gain -> gain of

421, 544, 555, 848 (twice), 869, 880: Add a space between a number and its unit

422: integrated about -> an integrated exposure of about

438: What is the "?"

441: "1m-class" has not been explained and could be confusing

443: Write out small integers if you want to be consistent with that style (see my comment at the top), e.g., 8 -> eight

443: total -> in total

456: Insert comma after "O-rings"

464-465: "design, with a few small improvements, is being"

466: sec. -> section

475: Remove "below"

479, 484, 487, caption of Fig. 2.9: X-ray -> x-ray

Caption of Fig. 2.9: Insert "chamber" before "with"

Pg. 14, un-numbered 2nd line: 2.11-2.13 -> 2.11--2.13

Pg. 14, un-numbered 3rd line: comma after i.e.

Line before Eq. 2.1: Remove colon

The 2 plots in Fig. 2.10 show similar information, but are quite different in appearance. I recommend using the same font, including grid lines or not, using the same efficiency scale, adding units to the lower plot's axis labels, etc.

Top line of page 17: [? ? ]

Eq. 2.2: The subscripts should not be in italics

508: "is not yet taken into account."

Fig. 2.12: I printed the document in color, and I cannot make out which lines are blue. Please change to a shade of blue that is distinguishable.

Caption of Figs. 2.12 and 2.13: Left and Right should not be in italics; Insert "chamber" after the chamber name

519: Remove space before 115

526: 8 ns to 4 ns -> 8 to 4 ns

Fig. 2.15, right: x-axis label should be HV consistent with previous figures

538, 544, 547, 551, captions of Figs. 2.16 and 2.19, 583: Remove "the" before GE1 or, better, add "chamber", "system", or "prototype" as appropriate

542: field -> fields

548: Move "also" to before "tested"

562: "conclusions obtained from measurements"

569, 570, 591: Add space after Fig.

575: x, y, and z should be lower case

Fig. 2.17 caption: Insert "a" before GE1

Fig. 2.18 caption: No italics for Left and Right

582: Remove first 3 "mm"

587, 936: Insert comma before "which"

595: In order to -> To

595-596: "in regards to such parameters as time resolution and efficiency, one has to..."

Caption of Fig. 2.24: ratio -> the ratio; gain -> gains; 4050 and -> 4050, and

598, 896, 938: When an equation is rendered inline, it should not contain stacked fractions. Either rewrite to put the fractions on one line or display the equation (it does not have to be numbered).

599: Remove the first 5 "ns"; insert comma before "and"

599-601: Do not capitalize "constant fraction discriminator"

602: Remove the first 4 "ns"

602: Should 5 be "five"?

612: CF4 that -> CF4, which

613, caption of Table 2.1 and in the table: yrs -> years

613: green house -> greenhouse

614: What is "(280/2004/EC)"? Is it a reference?

615: next years -> next few years

620: keeping -> while keeping

627: will not be found -> is not found

628: performances -> performance

Caption of Table 2.1 should go above the table, not below it.

637: Shape -> The shape

639: Insert comma after "conductor"

Caption of Fig. 2.27: The degree symbol seems to be in italics

660, 695, 696, 712, 713, 742, caption of Fig. 2.32, 824: Capitalize "Kapton" and "Apical"

662: In order to get -> To achieve

Fig. 2.30: 1st line: Do not capitalize "polyimide"; Last line: "Reality" seems like a strange choice to describe the photograph.

694: a long-term aging test -> testing of the long-term aging

698-700: Swap the positions of the terms and their acronyms

3rd un-numbered line: behaviour -> behavior

Last un-numbered line: according to this formula: -> as follows:

702, 882: Insert comma before "and"

709: Eq.2.3 -> Eq. 2.3

716, 838: Fig. -> Figure

730: Do not capitalize "single-wire proportional counter"

735: both SWPC -> both the SWPC

739: "Viton" is a registered trademark, so the first time you use it, you should put \circledR after it. After that, just capitalize it.

739: o-ring -> O-ring

743: Spell out "surface-mounted"

Caption of Fig. 2.33: Replace semicolon with "and" and replace hyphen with an em-dash (---, no spaces)

754: hr -> hour

765: app. B -> appendix B

765: As the GIF has been shut down by now -> Because the GIF is now closed

Caption of Fig. 2.34: Gamma Irradiation Facility (GIF) -> GIF

774: there are no wait times due to curing of glue -> there is no wait time required for glue curing

822: Unless there is some reason for it that I do not see, remove hyphen from "130 pins"

825: are being -> is being

830: the chapter on electronics and DAQ -> chapter 3

835: frame -> the frame

847: lengths -> length

864: result are -> result is

Caption of Fig. 2.46: by outer frame -> by the outer frame

870: In case of -> In the case of

871: Insert comma after "field"

884: within chamber -> within the chamber

886: could results -> could result

888-889: You have already introduced ANSYS.

890: using -> by using

892: in order to -> to

893: The use of "k" as in "500k" is considered informal. I recommend "500\,000" in LaTeX

897-898: As it stands now, the comma before "mu" should be replace by "and", but rho and v also need to be defined.

900: behaviour -> behavior

910: organised -> organized

914: In the test Argon -> In the test, argon ["argon" not capitalized]

915: similar to the one -> similar to what is

916: The result of the -> The

921: electrode -> electrodes

925: Why are there parentheses around the "s" in "GEM foil(s) 1 and 2"?

958: a HV -> an HV

967: Replace dash with comma

970: in the Ch. 7 -> in chapter 7

The right plot in both Figs. 2.50 and 2.52 are identical, but maybe that is intentional.

Chapter 3

---

There are mixed capitalization styles in the section titles. CMS documents usually follow the style in which only the first letter and proper nouns are capitalized; e.g., only the first words of titles for subsections 3.2.1, 3.2.2, 3.2.2.1, etc. should be capitalized.

There is a problem with the first 2 plots in the chapter. The first plot has no caption or figure number, and "[htbp]" appears at the top, but it seems to be what is referred to as Fig. 3.1 in the text. The purpose of the second plot is not clear.

977, 997, 1056, 1074, 1086, 1102, 1138: Figure -> Fig.

983, 1025, 1036, 1047, 1134, 1140, 1143, 1144, 1169, 1177, 1185, 1211: Should small integers be spelled out? (See my comment at the top.)

983: Hyphens are missing from "On-Detector" and "Off-Detector" in the first plot

986: VFAT -> The VFAT

987, 989, 990: Do not capitalize words that are not proper nouns.

987, 1063, 1079, 1166, 1176, 1177, 1195, 1226, 1230, 1235: Insert comma before "and"

990: Is "GigBitt" supposed to be the same as "gigabit" in line 1179? If GBT is properly defined here, remove the definition from 1179.

995: Remove space after "uni"

1003: It's -> Its

1005: Insert semicolon after "similar"

1009: ionising -> ionizing

1010, 1040, 1093, 1095, 1146: Insert comma before "which"

1015: Replace semicolon with comma

1025: hence -> thus

1029, 1032: upto -> up to

1037: pay load -> payload

1045: charge -> charges

1048, 1050: Remove period at the end

1057: 128 channels of -> 128 channels, each comprising a

1058: This is followed...per channel. -> Each channel is followed by a constant fraction discriminator (CFD).

1059: which synchronises -> that synchronizes

1060: The data then splits -> The data then split

1061: "the other for tracking data, which are non-synchronous."

1062: "synchronization"

1064: The sections belows -> The sections below

1068: Do not capitalize "preamplifier" and "shaper"

1071: "The front-end specifications are shown in Table 3.1, including..."

Table 3.1: The caption should go above the table; capitalize only the first word of each "Key parameter"; Detectore -> Detector; 5 - 8 pF -> 5--8 pF; should the "p" in "Tp" be a subscript?; what is "Cd" and why is it in italics?

Caption of Table 3.1: frontend -> front-end

1081: "characterization"

1082: one which injects -> one that injects

1083: and the second which -> and another that

Caption of Fig. 3.3: "VFAT3 block diagram with the variable data path highlighted."

1087: The data is -> The data are

1089: has to be -> have to be

1093: Data Types -> data types

1094: Do not capitalize the definition of the acronym

1096: Control Characters -> control characters

Figs. 3.4 and 3.5: The box around the 2nd column is incomplete.

1102: "Fig. 3.4. A unique CC acts..."

1108: content is -> content are

1115: Insert commas after "crossing" and "chip"

1116: a LVA1 -> an LVA1 [Note: has this been defined, or should it be the same as "L1A" defined in line 1258?]

1116-7: Control Character -> CC

1117-8: The ending of this sentence is confusing. Either rewrite, or perhaps enclose "no hits corresponding to this trigger" in quote marks.

1119: "Data type: SPZS" [i.e., remove words in parentheses since SPZS has already been defined]

1123: rate -> rates

1124: could be incurred -> could occur

1125-6: "The 128 channels are divided into 16 partitions, each containing eight [or 8] channels."

1126: Insert comma after "event"

1129: in 3.5 -> in Fig. 3.5

1131: 0 hits -> no hits; insert comma after "However"

1134: Insert comma before "etc."

1139: which -> that

1141: Switch acronym and definition, and do not capitalize.

1141: Has "bx" been defined?

1142, 1143: Fast OR -> fast OR [not in quotes]

1151: Should "one 1" just be "1"?

1156: "mid-flow"

1157: Insert a space between and number and its unit.

1161: "electronic board"; hence -> therefore

Caption of Fig. 3.7: "VFAT3 block diagram with the fixed latency trigger path highlighted."

1165: three fold -> threefold

1171: have been -> has been

1173: of -> of a

1181: Ref. [33] is missing

1182: "which is several orders of magnitude"

1184: Remove comma after "phase"

1185: Insert comma after "Additionally"

1192: on data rate -> on the data rate

1195-6: "The E-links are driven by the E-ports that are integrated into the front-end chips."

1198: Insert comma after "signals"

1199: Remove "an"

1201: "single event upsets"

1207: Fig. -> Figure

1207-1217: Capitalize only proper nouns

1210: 84-bits -> 84 bits

1212: 80-bits -> 80 bits; use -> usage

1213: (TTC) and -> (TTC), or

1214 and 1217: "DC-balance" is written with and without a hyphen. Choose one way.

1215-6: For forward error correction the -> For FEC, the

1219: CSC has already been defined, so write "the CSC trigger motherboard (TMB)"

1224: In the present Fig. 3.1, "back-end" is written "backend".

1230: If you mean "approximately 10^-5", use \approx instead of \sim in LaTeX

1233: Fig 3.10 -> Fig. 3.10

1237: by the Boston -> by Boston

1247: What does "48 way" mean?

Chapter 4

---

1258: Do not capitalize "level-1 accept". If this is the same as "LVA1" in line 1116, it should be corrected, and defined there and not here.

1259: sent-out -> delivered (?) [or at least remove the hyphen]

1260, 1280, 1374, 1378: read-out -> read out

This chapter mixes small integers rendered as numerals and spelled out, e.g., 1260, 1273, 1280(mixed in one sentence), etc. Please be consistent (see my comment at the top).

1261: has multiple different options -> have multiple options

1263: at L1A -> at an L1A

1265: E-ports is -> E-ports are

1266: 4-bits -> 4-bit

1267: Insert comma before "and"

1267, 1407: data is -> data are

1273: table -> Table

1283: If you mean "approximately 10 Gps," then use \approx instead of \sim and remove the space.

1285, 1344, 1389, 1401, 1406, 1413: Insert comma before "which"

1295: Since CSC has already been defined, write "CSC optical trigger mother board (OTMB)"

1296, 1307: "level-1"

1297: Even it you do not universally adapt the unit style I recommend at the top of my comments, "hit/bx/GEM" should be written something like "hit/bx per GEM chamber". I do not think that bx has been defined in a previous section. Either define it earlier, or move the definition to here from line 1304.

1301: and located -> and are located

1305: 17-18 -> 17--18

1298: Insert comma after FPGA; write "finite state machine"

Table 4.2: 1 - 2 -> 1--2; 17 - 18 -> 17--18

1308: muon port card; track finder

1313, 1398, 1399: remove "in order"

1321: Fast OR -> fast OR

1324, 1408-9: data has -> data have

Caption of Table 4.3: Capitalize first word and add period at the end

Table 4.3: fast OR; lossless; 6 10^(-5) -> 6 x 10^(-5)

1331: 6 10^(-5) -> 6 x 10^(-5)

1332: Insert comma before "thus"

1333: Insert comma before "or"

1349: In LaTeX a dash is rendered "---" with no spaces

1374: In 2014 a first -> In 2014, the first

1377: Figure -> Fig.

1381-2: Insert comma after "However"; move "successfully" to after "has been"

1383: Please clarify "allowing the test among others". Do you mean "allowing, among other things, testing of the signal integrity..."?

Caption of Table 4.4: 32 bits -> 32-bit

Table 4.4: I assume this table is incomplete.

1400: data has -> data have; it is -> they are

1403: In order for -> For

1404: it must be -> they must be

1404: What does "latter" refer to, data? Please clarify, and remember that "data" is plural.

1411: is used -> are used

Tables 4.5 and 4.6: Please indicate all ranges with an en-dash "--"

Chapter 5

---

There are mixed capitalization styles in the section titles. CMS documents usually follow the style in which only the first letter and proper nouns are capitalized; e.g., in the chapter title, at least "production" should not be capitalized. In my opinion, neither should "quality control" and "quality assurance", unless you insist on capitalizing them in the text (which I think they should not be because they are not proper nouns).

[fixed - PK]

1427: optimised -> optimized

[fixed - PK]

1433: See note below "Chapter 5"

[fixed - PK]

1435: depends -> depend

[fixed - PK]

1437, 1623, 1631, 1649: Insert comma before "and"

[all fixed - PK]

1437: Insert comma after "chapter"

[fixed - PK]

1443: Standardised -> Standarized; and are identical -> that are identical; remove comma before "for"

[done - PK]

1444, 1540, 1571: Insert comma before "which"

[done - PK]

1451: Remove comma

[done - PK]

Fig. 5.1 is hard to read. I suggest redoing it so that the 3 blocks stack on top of each other.

1458: A HV -> An HV

[done - PK]

1460, 1464, 1466: In previous chapters, "PCB" was consistently written "pcb". You should decide among yourselves how to write it consistently throughout the TDR.

[change to pcb - PK]

1475: current no more -> current of no more

[done - PK]

1476: o-rings -> O-rings

[done - PK]

1478: Section -> section

[fixed - PK]

1484: QC2 has not yet been mentioned in the text

1484, 1589, 1620: Figure -> Fig.

[Done - PK]

1487: remove comma; for the -> in the

[done - PK]

1496: spare -> spares

[done - PK]

1500-1: well-cleaned -> cleaned well

[done - PK]

1502: CF4-based

[done - PK]

1514: mbar/h -> a millibar per hour; "millimeter"

[done - PK]

1516: nitrogen the piping -> nitrogen, the piping

[done - PK]

1528, 1541, 1545, 1554, 1562, : Insert space after "Fig."

[done - PK]

1529: has large area -> has a large area

[done - PK]

1530: remove "in space"

[done - PK]

1531, 1538, 1540, 1549, 1555, 1565, 1574, 1648: X-ray -> x-ray

[done - PK]

1533: to the final -> in the final

1534: Barrel -> barrel

1536: wide -> large; use \approx instead of \sim for "approximately 40", add a space between the number and its unit, and "m" should not be in italics

1537-8: air line, clean dry and nitrogen -> air line and a clean, dry nitrogen

1549: "gain uniformity"

1552: to the CMS -> in the CMS

1564: the Lead -> a lead

1567-8: "Frascati has already participated in chamber mass production, and the project will profit from the..."

1570: "with an area of about 20 m^2"

1574, 1576: Do not capitalize "nitrogen" nor "gas chromatograph"

1578: gives -> presents

Caption of Table 5.1 should go above the table.

Table 5.1: What are "1" and "?" in the table?

1580, 1604: Capitalize only the first word of the section title

1587-8: This URL was already mentioned in line 1431. You only have to write it one place.

1608: remove second "turned on"; Thus they would have completed -> After this, they would be considered to have completed

1610: "the purity of the gas, and the general accuracy..."

1620: a super-chamber -> an SC

1621, 1629: Super-Chambers -> SCs

1622: a HV -> an HV

1636: Data Storage -> Data storage

1643: Is "chip FrontEnd" the name of a chip or should this be "front-end"?

The other chapters have the figures placed within the text instead of all at the end.

Caption of Fig. 5.2: Pictures from different... -> Photographs of the assembly line sites.

Fig. 5.5: "cosmic stand"

-- RichardBreedon - 2014-12-04